


@ the batnerd

by FluffNAngst



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: :))) enjoy, ??????? but not really, Gen, Humor, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Social Media, and silly, consider it a collection of memes from gothamites to gothamites, definitely, it's just something quick and messy, it's supposed to be twitter but whatever, this is technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 04:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19456531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffNAngst/pseuds/FluffNAngst
Summary: a collection of thoughts about the bats and gotham in general from the perspective of a kind of nerdy citizen. yes these are technically my thoughts but I thought of the character as a different person while writing so :) whatever. it's a social media account tho, the quotes are the actual contents, if quotes are beside each other that means it's a thread lol.





	@ the batnerd

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this while on a really long roadtrip. some bad stuff happened, we had to drive down to see family, and i wrote this while majorly sad in the car on my phone. if anyone's from my other fic: this was just something quick i didn't have to think about while incredibly sad, but i really liked it so I'm posting it. sorry not sorry.

batfam  
@thebatnerd  
Let's make one thing clear: they are a Batfam

"if we weren't supposed to stan the Batfam then why did they make Nightwing... Like That"

"I've only known the Signal for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in the room and then myself"

"batwoman has a big gay energy, just saying"

"No one:. Red Robin: I Live... Off of Coffee... I Do Not Sleep.... Or Eat..... And That Makes Me Cool"  
""JK babe ily""

"alright the Red Hood makes a few points. Like I know he's a "mass murderer" and "a danger to us all" but his opinions on classic literature tho"

"Spoiler is the only thing that matters anymore that's just the tea sis"

"(Batgirl does anything) "THAT'S MY WIFE""

"HAS ANYONE HEARD FROM ROBIN"  
"People think this means he's been missing but he just stole my friends cat and we need a way to contact him :/"

"Not to be salty or anything but the fact that no one talks about Oracle is a travesty. Whoever u are I love and appreciate u."

"CONSPIRACY THREAD: Batfam timeline w/out secret IDs!"  
"First Robin: the flippy 1. He's now Nightwing, and that happened around the time he looked 16-20. he started off around 8? But since N is the oldest that makes sense."  
"(I'm pretty sure he stopped being Robin bc he was fighting with Batman. But there's no evidence other then 16-20 means fighting w/ adults.)  
"Second Robin: the 1 that wouldn't hesitate to throw u off a roof. I'm 86% sure that he got really hurt/had a huge fight w Batman"  
"And then he went off the become the Red Hood?? It makes sense when u think about it. They're very similar in fighting styles and there's no other reason for a known serial killer to be a bat."  
"First Batgirl: the redhead. Apparently for part of her career Batman didn't support her and idk what changed but he eventually started to train her."  
"I think she got really hurt too except here's the conspiracy part: I think she became Oracle! It's better then thinking she's dead, tho it's a possibility."  
"Their personalities are also similar, as well as the ppl they target(ed). Also I stanned Batgirl back in the day and I really don't want her to be dead."  
"next: remember that time Batman put alot of ppl in the hospital?? Ya I think this is when the Red Hood left/got hurt. EXCEPT HERE'S THE FUN PART."  
"I think Robin #3, the Smol 1, came in at this time to "save Batman from himself." He seemed shy but"  
"He really tried to make jokes and keep it lighthearted, which is why I think red hood got hurt and blamed it on the bman."  
"this is pure speculation but I love Love Love the idea that this Smol Shy Baby decided he could help?? And Batman did get better. So next."  
"SPOILER: she's pretty easy lol she was trying to spoil crimes from this dude that she had a grudge against, (knockoff Riddler) and she wouldn't stop so Batman had to train her."  
"(We know this bc she's talkative and sweet.)"  
"She's also the blond Batgirl btw so. She never denied that so whatever. And the time Robin was a girl I'm pretty sure it was her."  
"Orphan: this one is rlly hard?? She just showed up one day but I found, after some digging, there were reports of a girl who would fight crime."  
"She wore "dirty clothes" and looked "like a rat" but fought really well and helped ppl, until one day she disappeared and Orphan (aka the scary Batgirl.)"  
"Appeared. So take that as u will."  
"Remember Smol Robin? Yeah he's now Tired Red Robin. He showed up after Sword Robin (the current 1) appeared instead of our favorite baby gremlin."  
"Also sword Robin is valid bc I also want to stab people who get in my way he's just less of a coward."  
"Anyways Signal showed up last and he hasn't changed his name as far as I could tell."  
"Neither have Batwoman or Batwing."  
"Though I'm pretty sure Nightwing was Batman for awhile? Bc he started being different with Robin. Like nothing else happened but Nightwing disappeared and Batman started being"  
"Weirdly affectionate with Robin so idk. Maybe Nightwing got hurt and Batman felt guilty so he started being nicer to the others???"  
"I say this is all speculation but tbh I think I'm right and Batman if yr hiring I'll be on the rooftops of crime alley at precisely three am yelling "THE BATFAM IS VALID" so hmu."

"Listen I love Nightwing as much as the next girl but the Batfam has more members than him and also STOP OBJECTIFYING HIM k thanks bye."

"Some girl: "I love Nightwing bc-" me: :o Some Girl: "he's hot!" Me, boutta throw hands: >:0"  
"Btw this means he's more then a great butt and pretty face,, he's compassionate and funny and sweet,, stop pretending hot is all that matters abt him,"

"No one:. Literally no one:. Not a single soul:. Me: THE!! SIGNAL!!! DESERVES!!! MORE!!!!! LOVE!!!!!"

"I say I want to meet Batgirl but I'd die instantly I'd I did let's all be real the heartattack would get me before I got an autograph or maybe a hug"

"(Meeting Batwoman) "so ur a lesbian right" "

"As my conspiracy post gains likes I fully expect Batman to be coming for my soul. @ THE BIG BAD BAT KILL ME ALREADY."

"Do you think if I implied he killed people and lied, about it he'd make a Twitter just to say I was wrong"

"y'all someone said I could make that conspiracy post bc I am a bat, possibly The bat, and I'm crying in the club."

"Yes I am definitely Batman. Batman spends his time crying, eating twizzlers, and wishing Cheetos didn't get stuff all over his shirt."

""Miss, are you the Batman?" "Yes sirree every day I put on a fursuit and punch ppl until my emotions are gone.""

"Ik this is a Batfam account but let's take a moment to appreciate Bruce Wayne. Ok moving on that was weird."

"Me, peaceful, minding my own business:. Someone: you're a bat tho right??? Me: excuse you I've never been valid ever in my life how dare"

"ayy today I saw Nightwing that would've been cool if he wasn't eating Cheetos and crying."  
"Wait.... That means the rumours are true.... I Am Nightwing"

"So if I tried to expose more of Batman's secrets do u think he'd finally come for soul"  
"One can hope, here we go"  
"THERE IS A BATCAVE. I repeat, there is a Batcave. Where they all recuperate and chill. I once heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that they have a giant penny there."  
"I also heard there was a dinosaur skeleton."  
"I also heard there are actual bats in the cave"  
"I also heard the Flash once tried to set foot in it and he immediately got mind blasted and now he remembers nothing about where it is or what it looks like."  
"Idk if y'all know this but there is another bat. His name is Agent A and he sometimes drives the batmobile when Batman can't/didn't bring it. So ye."  
"Update: my soul is safe and my week is ruined."

"Update on my soul: Batgirl still owns it, I still haven't met her."

"RED ROBIN IS A WEEB PASS IT ON."

"Someone just said.... That they heard every bat respond to Batman yelling red Robin... With "YUMM". Apparently she couldn't see half of them. That's scary and also I love them."

"I'm considering becoming a supervillain so batman-senpai will notice me"  
"just kidding >;) or am I"

"Not gonna lie if the Red Hood saved me I'd never marry I'd just be hung up on him forever."

"If Red Robin Doesn't Know I Love Him Then I've Wasted My Life -a memoir by me"

"(Posts about Batgirl) "so u like her" yep (posts about Nightwing) "so u like him now?" yes "I don't get it, who do you like, girls, boys?" Y E S"

"when u realize based on his age when he started being Robin Nightwing is way too old for u ;-;"

"Me with the rest of the Batfam: babeys. pure. I'm lov. Me with Red Robin: this is my favorite trash goblin touch him and I'll eviscerate u."

"I feel like I don't talk about Spoiler enough?? Even though she's the best??? Once I saw her throw a waffle at a baddie and she missed.. Icon."

"#onlyingotham do Crazy Clown One and Crazy Clown Two: Electric Boogaloo actually think the people prefer them to Batman.... Oof...."

"Me: I love the whole Batfam equally. Nightwing, Batgirl,  
Red Robin, Red Hood, Spoiler, Oracle, Signal, Batwoman- uhh... (Looks at smudged writing on hand) Jared the furry, the red ninja turtle and Nightwing 2 electric boogaloo"

"Proof Batman is a furry: Catwoman. I rest my case."

"If the Batfam don't follow me in their civilian IDs then what is this even for"

"Lol imagine having to read about some random being in love with your siblings Ouch"

"further proof the Batsibs are Siblings- I heard red hood telling Nightwing "you aren't Batman!!" And Nightwing just whispered "thank goodness having a kid like you would suck""  
"O u c h"

" I sincerely apologise to The Red Ninja Turtle and Nightwing 2 electric boogaloo for not talking about them, but in my defense-.... Nah, I got nothing, sorry"

"I'm sincerely surprised no one I know found out I run this account... I'm not subtle you guys...... is this the Superman Effect...."  
"Aka: he doesn't even wear a mask and no one knows who he is"

"In other news: I am now Superman. The old one retired. Thank u."

"If anyone touches me I'm calling Batman I swear all I have to do is scream "the Batfam is valid" and he'll be there screaming "ur so right" dont test me"

"No one:. Me: Batman is a tired old dad who doesn't understand memes"

"BATMAN IS A TIRED OLD DAD WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND MEMES"

"Batman being an edgy loner: broke. Batman being a stressed dad of seven: woke."

"Batman being stressed bc everyone he knows expects him to be The Mature One bc he has kids and no one knows he's just panicked like the rest of us and now they're all crazy and childish: BESPOKE"

"This just in: Batman "didn't mean" to adopt the entire Justice League, despite them all being his age, but "they're just so incompetent" he defends "it's like leaving babies to wolves.""

"Not gonna lie............... I love Orphan, Spoiler, and Oracle... :)"

"hey y'all ever think about Batman being Soft with his kids and then u cry"

"Guys. Oh no. Guys help. I think I just found out the bats secret identites I think they're gonna kill me if this is my last post know that I've been taken don't let them get aw"

"I WAS JUST GONNA POST A JOKE THEORY ON WHO THEY WERE BUT IT MAKES SENSE AND I'M SCARED"

"What if I cracked it. What would happen. What if this is for real and I'm shaking help."

"If I tell y'all is this betraying my babes???"

"I bet the Red Hood is waiting with a sniper gun outside my window as I post"

"Sick alright so I'm not posting it bc I'm actually 99% sure I'm right which SUCKS bc now I can't make memes about what they're like under the masks...."  
"The sacrifices I make for you people"

" Ppl say this is fake but don't worry Batman babe I ain't posting ur ID on social media just bc of haters"

"Batman: I hate touch. I haven't had any physical contact since 1983. The last time I touched another person was in hand to hand combat."  
"Superman: ur kids are hugging u rn. Batman: this means nothing."

"Other celebrities: get in relationship drama. Me: figures out the bats identities and almost posts in on social media."

"This just in: you may be a mess but at least you've never fallen off of a roof to avoid your brother singing Mamma Mia by ABBA at the top of his lungs"  
"This is a call out post @ Red Robin, for jumping off a roof, and for @ Nightwing, for having such a beautiful singing voice"

"If Batman got therapy would he finally realize the batsuit is tacky and change it"

"Ideas for a new batsuit!! @ Batman :)"  
"Two words: Hot Pink"  
"three more words: rainbows and glitter"  
"Just metamorphize into an actual bat"  
"wear Catwomans outfit just bigger and w/ more Pockets"  
"Dress like a shady man planning to sell drugs, pretend like ur gonna sell ppl drugs, then go AHA and arrest them"

"Sir that's my emotional support unreasonable amount of vigilantes"

"No one:. Batman, probably: I am Not a superhero!! I am a VIGILANTE and if anyone calls me a superhero I will block them!!!! No h8 this is a vigilante safe town ✊👊💤"

"Welcome to Gotham (screaming in the background) oh that's normal don't worry (gunshots) everything's fine (more screaming) it's all under control!"

"I think Red Robin owns the fast food chain probably. that's why they haven't sued him."

"NEVER FORGET THE OG NIGHTWING COSTUME!! HE HAD A MULLET AND WAS COVERED IN GLITTER!! WE STAN A HOT MESS!!"

"sometimes ur sad...... And Sometimes You Go To Red Robin And Point Out People Who Could Be The Hero :)"

"Hi I just want to say I appreciate Commissioner Gordon? He does a whole lot and actually isn't corrupt what a dude. Love u Gordon."

"If The Signal Doesn't Know I'd Die For Him My Life Is Wasted" - the thrilling sequel""

"Today I saw @ Signal at batburger and he said "the usual, Alan." Batburger guy goes "you've never been here b4 mr signal sir." Signal whispers "crap I'm in costume." And runs out."

"Spread the word the Signal helps grandma's across streets and rescues kittens. Batman could NEVER.😭😭😍"

"when u don't know how old the signal is and if it's legal to be in love w/ him............."

"HEY HATERS IF ANY OF YOU EVEN LOOK AT THE SIGNAL I WILL YELL AT U FOR A WHILE BC HE WOULDN'T APPROVE OF ME KILLING U."

"THERE'S A NEW BAT I'M SHAKINH BC I L OVE HER,,, her name is blue bird and she has blue hair and she tasers ppl,, if anything happened to her I'd kill everyone in the room and then myself,,"

"Me: I hope the bats know that I have a fan account for them. Also me: if any of them read any of this I'd probably die.."

"Today someone called the Red Hood a villain to my face. I would've punched them but my bff beat me to it."

"Everyone is asking about my friends like they're surprised I have them... Shut Up Mom."

"my friends opinions need work... "I don't know much about the Signal lol" "what about Batwoman" sis please"

"My friends convo with me about favorite heroes the thread"  
"Me: you got a favorite hero?"  
"Friend 1, quickly: SUPERMAN"  
"Friend 2: dude, probably the flash."  
"Me: (trying not to laugh) what about Gotham heroes?"  
"Friend 1: what about them"  
"Friend 2: they're just so emo... SORRY IS THAT MEAN"  
"Me: yes it is just say your favorite Gotham heroes ok"  
"Friend 2: Gotham heroes... Gotham heroes.... Like, Robin, if I had to pick"  
"Friend 1: Nightwing, definitely."  
""Which Robin?"  
"What"  
"Which one?"  
"... don't make me choose""

" I'm not saying I wish the Red Hood had killed the joker while he was still morally ambiguous.... But I'm three minutes from breaking into Arkham with a knife just sayin"

"Anyone who stabs the Joker has got my vote @MAYORAL CANDIDATES"

" "Why do you hate the Joker all of the sudden" not all of the sudden, I've always hated him. Now I'm just vocal abt it."

"No one:. Literally no one:. Arsenal in an interview: yeah killer croc is my therapist :)"  
"I Kno this isn't Batfam but this boy is gonna give me aneurism"

"I'm really popular so do you think the other heroes are like :D when I mention them.... I hope so bc I'm not just a Batfam Stan I'm a hero nerd too"

"Favorite not Batfam heroes: THE THREADDD!"  
"The Flash don't @ me. The one that's friends with Nightwing. He's perfect and he was the thing that really got me into the hero stanning gig :)"  
"Wonder Woman. Self explanatory. She's awesome."  
"(Trying not to mention hero's who are trying to be under the radar and it sucksss)"  
"Kid Flash, shut up,"  
"The friggin blue beetl e he's just a boy whom I love and wish the bes t .. ."  
"Listen my group chats name is "in this house we love and support every flash" so take THAT as u will.."  
"Hawk Girl.. I've loved her since she came to earth... She's just amazing. She screams at people and smashes em with a mace... Gosh I wish I knew her."  
"ANY AND ALL SUPER KIDS. Not the man himself he's annoying but the children give me hope. The wear ripped clothes and leather jackets and they flip off the papparazzi. Amazing."  
"Listen not only do I love Arsenal and Starfire I ALSO love the outlaws!"  
"Turns out I love every hero. But whatever. That's all I can think of rn."

"Ppl are asking me for a timeline of superhero romances and just... Idk about anything except assume every redheaded superhero over 18 has dated Nightwing."  
"Starfire was a definite, Arsenal is a "if they didn't date they hooked up", Oracle is a probably, I stand by the fact that he's currently dating the Flash."


End file.
